Marriage Fidelity

What is infidelity?
President Spencer W. Kimball (1962) taught that, “Marriage presupposes total
allegiance and total fidelity.”  Fidelity is loyalty, faithfulness, and love shown in its most pure form.

Infidelity is the opposite and begins with lust. “Lust is defined in the dictionary as
the strong physical desire to have sex with somebody, usually without associated feelings
of love or affection”  This is interesting!!  Lust is detached from feelings of love and infection; it is the opposite of Godly love, for it comes from Satan.  It is used to destroy relations and families.

In general, infidelity is seen as a sexual relation with any individual outside of marriage.  The actual definition of infidelity extends to a much broader sense.  Infidelity also may include pornography, emotional attachment to another person of the opposite gender, or any type of disloyalty in word, action, and thought.  Yes, even in our thoughts can we be disloyal to our spouses.

 President Kimball clarified this.  He warned,
“There must be no romantic interest, attention, dating, or flirtation of
any kind with anyone” outside the bounds of marriage. “Even the thought of adultery is
sinful.”

Why is there infidelity?
Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for there to be infidelity in marriage.  We may ask ourselves, "If this is such a bad thing and can destroy the family, then why do many people participate in inappropriate relations outside of marriage?  This essay explains why:

"Many spouses who have engaged in infidelity reference dissatisfaction with their marriage as the reason for an affair. Research has shown that unfaithful women were especially more likely to attribute negative characteristics to their husband than unfaithful men did to their wives. Many of these women felt that their husbands no longer loved or valued them and that their affairs made up for something “missing” in their lives."


What are the effects of infidelity upon the family?
"Whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth
it destroyeth his own soul (Proverbs 6:32).”

Infidelity may not only affect the couple in which the marred relationship occurs, but it may be transposed to all members of the family, to the community, and unto all nations.  Listen to this from The Family: A Proclamation to the World:

"We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God.  Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets."  (https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng)

How can we prevent infidelity?

1.  Keep yourself busy doing good things

Elder Maxwell (1979), while discussing temptation stated, “Temptation expands so
as to fill the time and space available to it. Keep anxiously engaged in good things, for
idleness has a way of wrongly insisting, again and again, that it is ourselves we must
think of pleasing.”
2.   President Benson (1988) counseled, “Control your thoughts.  Always pray for the power to resist temptation. If you are married, avoid flirtations of any kind. If you are married, avoid being alone with members of the opposite sex whenever possible.”
3.  Be fiercely loyal to each other.  “Determine that there will never be anything that will come between you that will disrupt your marriage. Make it work. Resolve to make it work.
There is far too much of divorce, wherein hearts are broken and
sometimes lives are destroyed. Be fiercely loyal one to another.”
(Hinckley, 1999, p. 4, emphasis added).

In order for our families to achieve the happiness that was intended for us, we must learn loyalty: First and foremost to God, and second, unto our spouse.  There is no time more important, then if it is dedicated to these two individuals.  I know that this is true!

Much of this information was taken from an essay: INFIDELITY: PROTECTING OUR MARRIAGES by Scott Gardner & Christian Greiner

A Father's Perspective (Burden or Blessing?)

Recently my (ex)roommate and great friend, Ryan, was married.  I was at his sealing session, and I have never seen anything so pure and perfect in my life!  I know that marriage is eternal and can be a great blessing.  I asked him to describe his feeling, leading up to his wedding.  He said, "It was a big mixture of feelings:  I felt scared, and nervous, and happy.  I feel like those feelings that I had where I felt fear disappeared slowly, as I became closer to Kaitlyn.  Now I just feel so happy to be married!"  This fear slowly turns into happiness, if the relationship is fostered by mutual love, respect, and good wholesome communication.

However, the national trend has led many people to believe that having children can really lead to a decrease in marital satisfaction... Why is that?  I have decided to try to capture this...

(Before the birth)
As we arrived closer and closer to the date, her (my wife's) belly got bigger and bigger.  I was so excited for our first child!  I wanted him to be a daddy's boy.  These feelings of elation and excitement only intensified when I saw him at the hospital for the first time.  He was our baby!  I was excited to teach him to play basketball and go running and do boy things.  When we brought him home for the first time, I began to realize that he cried a lot.  I'm okay with that because that is what all babies do!  I am just so excited to see him, when I got home from work every day.

One week later:
I began to start to get irritated.  Firstly, with my wife, and secondly with myself.  Everyday when I got home from work, tired and expecting love and appreciation from my wife, I was met with indifference.  This child was beginning to cut me out of the picture!  I was the one who provided for him.  I worked so hard for both of them out of my love.  I began to wake up at night to its screaming voice.  The baby was sick.  I felt pity for it, being so small; yet I felt more pity for myself, as I would wake up with less than 5 hours of sleep for the past week and a half.  My wife no longer cared how I felt, that I myself was beginning to come down with sickness.  She didn't care that I could hardly stay awake at work.  That is when I decided to leave... I decided that my wife and child would be better without me.

One year later (in reflection):
That night almost one year ago, where I had almost walked out of the door, would have changed everything!  I would've been absolutely miserable.  Yet something kept me from going.  It was a feeling of responsibility and of great pride.  I needed to be there for my family!  I decided that it wasn't about me.  I sank down onto my knees and began to plead with my Heavenly Father for comfort and peace.  Immediately, I felt His comfort.  I felt peace.  More importantly, I began to understand at a very small degree what my Heavenly Father must feel.  We abandon Him daily.  We curse His name and defile His rules and commandments.  He had every reason to leave and abandon us, yet He didn't.  He doesn't!

It is because of His infinite grace.  A true father doesn't worry about his own wants or desires.  He sacrifices for his family and puts all of his knowledge and resources into them.  What is his reward?  He finds greater happiness, because his children and spouse are happy.  He finds inner peace, when he knows he has taught them correct principles.  He finds joy, when they do what is right and progress.  And he finds everlasting and eternal happiness to know that he has laid the foundation for a Celestial Marriage.  So, even though the natural man may not find joy in fatherhood, the father who follows after His Heavenly Father will find the greatest joy and greatest blessings available.  After all, a father is a divine calling... The name by which God wishes us to call Him by!

My Perspectives on Dating in Regards to Marriage

In Preparation for the Temple 

My perspectives on Dating in Regards to Marriage

WOW!!!  What a week!  There were great trials, but even greater blessings!  I feel closer to my Heavenly Father, because of everything that happened this week.  Let me explain...

This week, we began to explore the importance of dating in preparation for an eternal marriage.  Dating's purpose (in my life) is to fulfill the 3 primary roles of a father: preside, provide, and protect.  The woman's role in a date is to prepare her to fulfill her role as a mother, which is to nurture her family (spouse) in love.

What do I look for, when I go on a date?  

1. Her commitment to her Heavenly Father.  Gospel conversation will come easily when I am around her.  I will feel comfortable, knowing that I can count on her to stand for the right, and to give praise to Heavenly Father in everything.

2.  Do I feel truly happy when I am in her presence?  I begin to feel truly happy, when I feel that I am truly appreciated.  Is she interested in me?  In my family?  Does she compliment me if I try to do something well?  When I think of someone that I wish to spend the rest of my life with, I think to myself this, "When I am truly down and depressed, will she be patient with me?  Will she be encouraging and supportive?"  Marriage is a team effort, and cannot be maintained by one alone, therefore, I will look for someone who will complement me, not contrast me.

3.  Will she raise my children in righteousness?  I look to my mother for an example... My mother is willing to sacrifice all she had for us as children.  She truly cared about my well-being.  She cries with me, and she laughs with me.  I hope to find someone as committed as her!!!

I had the incredible experience to see my room roommate marry in the temple today.  It was something so pure, so undefiled, and so beautiful!  I wish all people could've seen it!!!  I believe that a Christ-centered marriage is essential to our eternal happiness.  I want to grow old and toothless with my wife, while we laugh at the simple things.  I want to teach my kids how to make a snow fort!  I will do my very best to establish an eternal family, and I know that each small step will lead me to it!

Marvin Goldstein "Popcorn Poppin"

Go and Sin No More: Same sex attraction and Gender roles

 This week, I experienced the incredible power of the Atonement, time and time again.  It led me to understand, that Christ's suffering in the Garden was much more than a physical show of His love for us.  It allows us to become clean, to become whole from our sins and iniquities.

Christ's Atonement enables those who are experiencing same-sex attraction to recover, a feat that many claim impossible.  They say, "They are born that way."  I do not believe that any child of a loving Heavenly Father is "born that way."

What causes same-gender attraction?  Many studies have shown a lack of affection shown by parents, siblings, and peers lead many to have a wounded gender identity.  "Using a nonclinical population, Tomeo, Templer, Anderson, and Kotler noted that 46% of gay men and 22% of lesbians were sexually abused as children, compared to 7% of the matched heterosexual men and 1% of the matched heterosexual woman."

Same-sex attraction increases HIV infection, substance abuse, depression and anxiety, hepatitis, STD's, prostate, testicular or colon cancer, alcohol dependence and abuse, tobacco use, and eating disorders.

There are states that now BAN gay conversion therapy: California, and Pennsylvania, leading Caleb (one who overcame same-sex attraction) to say: "banning that therapy would abuse human rights." 

The Atonement enables each son and daughter of God to reach their divine potential as a son and  a daughter respectively.  Gender differences do not contrast each other, but compliment each other!  We are reminded in the Family: A Proclamation to the World that "gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

Fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.

Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.  In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.

My belief is one in which God knows all.  He made us different so we could be happy!  We CANNOT be truly happy unless we abide by His laws and commandments: 1 being marriage between a man and a woman.  Another being the fulfillment of our roles as male and female.

I testify that these things are true and leave my testimony in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Do you remember this???

 Do you remember this? “They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime.” (Donald Trump)



WHY did he say this?  Recently, there has been a lot of discussion on the topic of immigration… illegal immigration.  “Researchers from the Pew Hispanic Center estimate that 11 million undocumented individuals currently live in the United States; a 30% increase from the 8.4 million undocumented individuals estimated in 2000.” (The Costs of Getting Ahead: Mexican Family System Changes after Immigration by Martica L. Bacallao and Paul R. Smokowski)

Why do the immigrants come?  In all societies, there are good people and bad people.  However, many of these immigrants have come with good intentions.  They want their children to receive a good education and to get ahead.  These immigrants are suffering from poverty and wish to provide for their families.  However, these immigrants face horrible circumstances that tear their families apart, rob them of their money, and cause many intergenerational problems!  Have you ever thought: many have been sent by God, so they might learn of the gospel of Jesus Christ and return to spread its good word in their own countries?

What does God have to say about this?  Remember, we are all of God’s children.  He loves all of us, and wishes for us to be happy and kind to one another.  Listen to His words:  D&C 38:26 For what man among you having twelve sons, and is no respecter of them, and they serve him obediently, and he saith unto the one: Be thou clothed in robes and sit thou here; and to the other: Be thou clothed in rags and sit thou there—and looketh upon his sons and saith I am just?
27 Behold, this I have given unto you as a parable, and it is even as I am.  I say unto you, be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine.

We are commanded to be one and treat each other with compassion!  We should not discriminate against or belittle any of Heavenly Father’s children, for each one has divine potential!

A warning…  The destruction of the Nephite (and Jaredite) people in The Book of Mormon came because of small and simple things.  They were “lifted up in pride” and they “began to be divided into classes.” (4 Nephi 1:24-26) “And they… (the lamanites) were taught to hate the children of Nephi from the beginning.” (verse 39)

Have we begun to develop this pride within our nation?  Are we divided because of differences in race, gender, or ethnicity?  Have we been taught by our leaders to hate our neighbors, the Mexicans?

We must begin to see people as they really are!  I know God wants all of us to share, and none of us to be “clothed in rags”, apart from the rest.  I know these things are true, and I wish to be a defender of our country, as it is a country blessed and preserved by God’s hand.

A Balancing Act

The right balance in everything, is the key to achieving success.  This week, I was continually reminded of this principle as I studied about the balance of family rules and family flexibility.  I learned that it is necessary for us to establish rules, so a family can avoid drug use, media, gangs, etc.  Too many rules can lead a child to develop disorders and insecurity about their own personal worth.

Similarly, in the United States government, we learn that too much government leads to a restriction of our fundamental rights.  It is subject to revolts and riots, and will ultimately instill a fear into the hearts of the people.  We learn that under British control, in the early years of our nation, the people were overly taxed and unable to practice all of their rights!  However, a government that is weak can lead to chaos and will be a burden to the growth of the country.

You may or may not know, but I am beginning to write a fictional novel that defends the constitution, as well as families.  I will begin to post some of my writings here on this blog!  I cannot describe how much our lives depend upon the correct balance of these 2 vital structures.

I am learning to balance my own life out, and I encourage all to do so.  1. Take a step back from your busy schedule to take an overview of the grand picture.  2.  Think, ponder, and pray to know what priorities are most important to you.  3.  Always do the best of your ability, yet acknowledge that you are imperfect and are subject to mistakes.  Do not ever quit from that which is most important!!! Fight for that which is right.