Fathers can and DO change the World!!!

This is my dad, Brian. He is a hero in my books. He works hard to provide for our family, he is a great example of faithfulness, and he looks for the best in all people, and in all situations. He runs, plays basketball, he skis, plays the harmonica, and is a people person. Who is your father? Why is he important to you?
I understand that not all fathers are loving and caring. I express my sorrow for those people because I know that fatherhood is such an important thing! This weekend, I studied more about fathers and I wanted to share with you my findings from one researcher, Stephanie Pappas:
1. “behavior problems, delinquency, depression, substance abuse and overall psychological adjustment are all more closely linked to dad's rejection than mom's.” (The Science of Fatherhood: Why Dads Matter)
2.“knowing that kids feel loved by their father is a better predictor of young adults' sense of well-being, of happiness, of life satisfaction than knowing about the extent to which they feel loved by their mothers.” (The Science of Fatherhood: Why Dads Matter)
3. "In 2001, the U.S. Department of Education found that kids with highly involved biological fathers were 43 percent more likely than kids without involved biological dads to earn mostly A's in school." (Pappas, 2012)
4. “In a study published in the Journal of Early Adolescence, Brigham Young University researchers found that dad's parenting style is more closely linked to whether teens will exhibit persistence than mom's parenting."
(The Science of Fatherhood: Why Dads matter)

I know fathers can change their childrens lives, for the best place for a child to learn is in the home! (Here's a great talk by Elder L. Tom Perry about fathers:

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1977/10/father-your-role-your-responsibility?lang=eng

President Thomas S. Monson - The Divine Gift of Gratitude

What a great week! Needless to say, it was FILLED to the BRIM with tender mercies from a loving Heavenly Father! I am grateful for so many things, but I am especially grateful for:

1. A loving Heavenly Father

2. The atonement of His son Jesus Christ

3. An incredible family

4. The people in my ward

5. All of the amazing comforts that I enjoy!

So, I wanted to express my gratitude. "To express gratitude is gracious and honorable, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live with gratitude ever in our hearts is to touch heaven." (President Joseph F. Smith)

"While there is much that is wrong in the world today, there are many things that are right and good." President Monson. I KNOW this to be true!!!

HAVE A FANTASTIC THANKSGIVING YA'LL!!!!

Conflict, and Communication Through Councils

Did you know that you are communicating even when you don't say a word? Most communication is not verbal, but rather shown through our actions, our expressions, and our tone! How can a married couple use communication to create a strong, healthy relationship?
Well, my Family Relations teacher taught us how the Brethren use effective communication in their councils. Here are their patterns.

1. The council begins by expressing affection and appreciation for each other EVEN BEFORE they offer the opening prayer.
2. They pray, invoking Heavenly Father's blessing that they may humbly learn and do His will.
3. A point of discussion is brought up, and each member of the council is given an opportunity to share his opinion. They talk and discuss until they reach a consensus. This will mean compromise and may not mean that all members will always do what they want. But they strive to do what GOD wants!
4. They end with a prayer, thanking Heavenly Father for the inspiration and guidance He gives.
5. They share refreshments (sometimes chocolates, sometimes pie!!!)

I believe that effective families should hold council meetings like that. These councils show that everyone's opinion is important, even if it be the youngest, for "God never intended that His children should stand alone." (Elder M. Russell Ballard)

These family councils may discuss many controversial topics. A good council will get right down to the roots of these problems. They may even bring about conflict, and this may be a good thing...

SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS THAT CONFLICT IS A GOOD THING?
Well, it can be! I believe conflict led to the abolition of slave trade in England (as shown in this picture from Amazing Grace). Conflict led the pilgrims to leave Great Britain and forge a new journey in the Americas. The positive response in great conflicts has led to the greatest things in this life.

For example place your hand in between two people, palm side facing one of them, while the backside is facing the other. It is still the same hand, yet there are completely different perspectives. Married couples NEED at least some level of conflict, so they can:
1. See different perspectives. The greatest leaders and administrators do not rely solely upon their own perspectives. They know that they can learn from ANYONE and EVERYONE. That is why they are so good!
2. Gain more info. Have you ever noticed that leaving a problem untouched will just allow it to grow? Yet if it is discussed, both parties may become better educated and will have learned from the experience.
3. Become more teachable. Christ taught the parable of the sower. He taught that seeds fell into the wayside and didn't grow. He taught that others grow in stony places, and withered and died, with the heat. Yet, other seeds fell into good ground, and TOOK ROOT. Words, like seeds, can grow best in an open heart, and an open mind
4. Draw closer to each other. (Have you ever seen a family draw closer together when a family member passes away? Have you seen a family draw closer together through a tramautic experience?)
5. Find more value in each other. The best things in this life come from the greatest effort. Just as the best athletes go to extreme measures to become the best, the best families come from the most work. These families thrive in unity because they learn to live with and love each other, even with stark differences!

He Took My Licking (The Savior's Atonement)

By President Gordon B. Hinckley

The Wondrous and True Story of Christmas

I have a simple story I would like to recount. It is something of a parable. I do not have the name of the author. Perhaps it will have special interest for our children. I hope it will be a reminder for all.

“Years ago there was a little one-room schoolhouse in the mountains of Virginia where the boys were so rough that no teacher had been able to handle them.

“A young, inexperienced teacher applied, and the old director scanned him and asked: ‘Young fellow, do you know that you are asking for an awful beating? Every teacher that we have had here for years has had to take one.’

“‘I will risk it,’ he replied.

“The first day of school came, and the teacher appeared for duty. One big fellow named Tom whispered: ‘I won’t need any help with this one. I can lick him myself.’

“The teacher said, ‘Good morning, boys, we have come to conduct school.’ They yelled and made fun at the top of their voices. ‘Now, I want a good school, but I confess that I do not know how unless you help me. Suppose we have a few rules. You tell me, and I will write them on the blackboard.’

“One fellow yelled, ‘No stealing!’ Another yelled, ‘On time.’ Finally, ten rules appeared on the blackboard.

“‘Now,’ said the teacher, ‘a law is not good unless there is a penalty attached. What shall we do with one who breaks the rules?’

“‘Beat him across the back ten times without his coat on,’ came the response from the class.

“‘That is pretty severe, boys. Are you sure that you are ready to stand by it?’ Another yelled, ‘I second the motion,’ and the teacher said, ‘All right, we will live by them! Class, come to order!’

“In a day or so, ‘Big Tom’ found that his lunch had been stolen. The thief was located—a little hungry fellow, about ten years old. ‘We have found the thief and he must be punished according to your rule—ten stripes across the back. Jim, come up here!’ the teacher said.

“The little fellow, trembling, came up slowly with a big coat fastened up to his neck and pleaded, ‘Teacher, you can lick me as hard as you like, but please, don’t take my coat off!’

“‘Take your coat off,’ the teacher said. ‘You helped make the rules!’

“‘Oh, teacher, don’t make me!’ He began to unbutton, and what did the teacher see? The boy had no shirt on, and revealed a bony little crippled body.

“‘How can I whip this child?’ he thought. ‘But I must, I must do something if I am to keep this school.’ Everything was quiet as death.

“‘How come you aren’t wearing a shirt, Jim?’

“He replied, ‘My father died and my mother is very poor. I have only one shirt and she is washing it today, and I wore my brother’s big coat to keep me warm.’

“The teacher, with rod in hand, hesitated. Just then ‘Big Tom’ jumped to his feet and said, ‘Teacher, if you don’t object, I will take Jim’s licking for him.’

“‘Very well, there is a certain law that one can become a substitute for another. Are you all agreed?’

“Off came Tom’s coat, and after five strokes the rod broke! The teacher bowed his head in his hands and thought, ‘How can I finish this awful task?’ Then he heard the class sobbing, and what did he see? Little Jim had reached up and caught Tom with both arms around his neck. ‘Tom, I’m sorry that I stole your lunch, but I was awful hungry. Tom, I will love you till I die for taking my licking for me! Yes, I will love you forever!’”

To lift a phrase from this simple story, Jesus, my Redeemer, has taken “my licking for me” and yours for you.

Mountains to Climb: Dealing with Discouragement

W. C. Fields once said, “smile first thing in the morning and get it over with.”

Yet, sometimes, it may seem so hard to smile. What is there to look forward in a day? There are so many things to get us down: difficulties at work, in the news, with children, with the spouse, and to top that all off, with our own selves. Why is life so troublesome?

Yet trouble does not have to be a bad thing.  F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “trouble has no necessary connection with discouragement—discouragement has a germ of its own, as different from trouble as arthritis is different from a stiff joint” (The Crack-Up, 1945). Troubles we all have, but the “germ” of discouragement, to use Fitzgerald’s word, is not in the trouble, it is in us. Or to be more precise, I believe it is in Satan, the Prince of Darkness, the Father of Lies. And he would have it be in us. It’s frequently a small germ, hardly worth going to the Health Center for, but it will work and it will grow and it will spread.

Many times, this discouragement may creep into, or initiate itself within, the home. This is extremely dangerous because it may lead to greater problems in the future. Yet, even when the greatest challenges happen to someone, it does not give a reason for anyone to be discouraged.

 Kelly McGonigal says, "I have changed my mind about stress... People who experience a lot of stress in the previous year had a 43% increase risk of dying. But that was only true for the people that also believed that stress was harmful for your health. People who experience a lot of stress, but did not view stress as harmful were no more likely to die. In fact, they had the lowest risk of dying of anyone in the study including people who had relatively little amount of stress."

How can we deal with stress and difficulties? Elder Holland gave this counsel,

"Prepare. Plan. Work. Sacrifice. Rework. If you work hard and prepare earnestly, it will be very difficult for you to give in or give up or wear down. If you labor with faith in God and in yourself and in your future, you will have built upon a rock. Then, when the winds blow and the rains come—as surely they will—you shall not fall." (Elder Holland, For Times of Trouble, BYU Devotional, March 18, 1980)

"If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear." (D&C 38:30) Or how about the scout motto, "be prepared." Preparation is the 1st step. Why? One example may be the construction of a house. The first step is not to place up the walls. The first step is not even to lay the foundation. The first step begins much earlier, when each individual is trained in his/her respective field. The architect must receive a good education and be certified. He must learn how to adapt and change. In the family, regular discussions should be held to decide how and when to prepare for crises. A family must be prepared spiritually and emotionally to deal with unsuspected death, illness, unemployment, or any other family challenge. Remember: the family that prays together, stays together.

The second step is to plan. The architect will meet with the contractors and they will meet with the engineers. There is much to be considered--what type of foundation is needed? Is the ground sturdy enough to be built upon? Where are there going to be support beams? How can we be most efficient with finances and with the materials that we will be given? Planning is essential to strong marriages and families. Husband and wife should be equally involved in the finances, in parental decisions,

The third step is work. There is no replacement for work. Families will have to test and try out certain things. There will be failures. Yet work, accompanied by sacrifice, will lead to the greatest results! After all, Thomas Edison was broke financially, and his facilities burned down prior to his invention of the incandescent light bulb. He worked, and reworked, and eventually succeeded in creating something that would change the world. Will you and your family change the world for the better? You can do so, using these steps!

I heard President Spencer W. Kimball, in a session of conference, ask that God would give him mountains to climb. He said: “There are great challenges ahead of us, giant opportunities to be met. I welcome that exciting prospect and feel to say to the Lord, humbly, ‘Give me this mountain,’ give me these challenges.”

Let us climb the mountains of this world with confidence and faith in our Savior, Jesus Christ! These mountains will push and test us. But, by golly, they will strengthen and make our lives infinitely more meaningful, if we look to find joy in encountering these challenges

Meekness - A Godly Attribute

One of the challenges that our gospel doctrine teacher left us was to study and focus on an attribute for an entire week.  I chose the attribute of meekness, and I have learned so many valuable lessons!
https://www.lds.org/ensign/1983/03/meekness-a-dimension-of-true-discipleship?lang=eng

Marriage Fidelity

What is infidelity?
President Spencer W. Kimball (1962) taught that, “Marriage presupposes total
allegiance and total fidelity.”  Fidelity is loyalty, faithfulness, and love shown in its most pure form.

Infidelity is the opposite and begins with lust. “Lust is defined in the dictionary as
the strong physical desire to have sex with somebody, usually without associated feelings
of love or affection”  This is interesting!!  Lust is detached from feelings of love and infection; it is the opposite of Godly love, for it comes from Satan.  It is used to destroy relations and families.

In general, infidelity is seen as a sexual relation with any individual outside of marriage.  The actual definition of infidelity extends to a much broader sense.  Infidelity also may include pornography, emotional attachment to another person of the opposite gender, or any type of disloyalty in word, action, and thought.  Yes, even in our thoughts can we be disloyal to our spouses.

 President Kimball clarified this.  He warned,
“There must be no romantic interest, attention, dating, or flirtation of
any kind with anyone” outside the bounds of marriage. “Even the thought of adultery is
sinful.”

Why is there infidelity?
Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for there to be infidelity in marriage.  We may ask ourselves, "If this is such a bad thing and can destroy the family, then why do many people participate in inappropriate relations outside of marriage?  This essay explains why:

"Many spouses who have engaged in infidelity reference dissatisfaction with their marriage as the reason for an affair. Research has shown that unfaithful women were especially more likely to attribute negative characteristics to their husband than unfaithful men did to their wives. Many of these women felt that their husbands no longer loved or valued them and that their affairs made up for something “missing” in their lives."


What are the effects of infidelity upon the family?
"Whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth
it destroyeth his own soul (Proverbs 6:32).”

Infidelity may not only affect the couple in which the marred relationship occurs, but it may be transposed to all members of the family, to the community, and unto all nations.  Listen to this from The Family: A Proclamation to the World:

"We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God.  Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets."  (https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng)

How can we prevent infidelity?

1.  Keep yourself busy doing good things

Elder Maxwell (1979), while discussing temptation stated, “Temptation expands so
as to fill the time and space available to it. Keep anxiously engaged in good things, for
idleness has a way of wrongly insisting, again and again, that it is ourselves we must
think of pleasing.”
2.   President Benson (1988) counseled, “Control your thoughts.  Always pray for the power to resist temptation. If you are married, avoid flirtations of any kind. If you are married, avoid being alone with members of the opposite sex whenever possible.”
3.  Be fiercely loyal to each other.  “Determine that there will never be anything that will come between you that will disrupt your marriage. Make it work. Resolve to make it work.
There is far too much of divorce, wherein hearts are broken and
sometimes lives are destroyed. Be fiercely loyal one to another.”
(Hinckley, 1999, p. 4, emphasis added).

In order for our families to achieve the happiness that was intended for us, we must learn loyalty: First and foremost to God, and second, unto our spouse.  There is no time more important, then if it is dedicated to these two individuals.  I know that this is true!

Much of this information was taken from an essay: INFIDELITY: PROTECTING OUR MARRIAGES by Scott Gardner & Christian Greiner